This one’s just weird.
In mid-2019 when I downloaded Hinge, I felt that maybe this would be a fresh start. As you have seen, and likely will continue to see; I have been on quite a few Hinge dates. This app was intended to connect you with people you will actually like and get along with; and while I had no delusions that I would meet the love of my life on an app, I was still hoping to meet some people I actually had an interest in or something in common with. As with all dating apps, it was very hit or miss meeting people. I have met boys I’ve had a good connection with – if not had a good conversation with. This, however, is definitely not one of those stories. Asher was neither of those things.
Asher was attractive and, based on what I saw on his profile, looked like the kind of person I would enjoy speaking with. He had a prompt about the OJ Simpson trial (big bonus points), had a cool job, had photos with puppies and from music festivals, had linked his Instagram where he had beautifully shot photos and videos from his travels, and one of his prompts was a very amusing story from one of his trips overseas. All up, he had lots of material to discuss, so when I commented on his OJ Simpson prompt, I felt like we would at least be able to have a conversation. Idiot, me.
On Hinge, one of the many, many prompts you can select to put on your profile is “Change my mind about…” and all Asher’s profile said was “Change my mind about… The OJ Simpson trial.” Not knowing where his head was on the case, I simply commented-
“Are you for or against the final verdict?”
A couple of hours later, I got a response.
Not quite the answer I had expected, but still something I was able to work with. I had a think about how to dig a little deeper with him and landed on this –
“Me too, I definitely think he did it. Did you watch the American Crime Story they did on it? Or is your opinion a gut feeling?”
Again, I waited a few hours and got this response –
“Don know what that is lol just my opinion don’t have a shit fit lol.” (Note – the poor grammar and punctuation throughout these are taken straight from the messages themselves.) Cool. Usually I would end the conversation there and leave it completely alone, but on this occasion I really wanted to know whether he meant “don’t be mad that I haven’t seen the show.” Or whether he genuinely thought I was angry that we agreed and I wanted to discuss it.
“Ok so a gut thing. Do you have an opinion on JonBenet Ramsay?” (One of my favourite conspiracies and conversation starters, as almost everyone has an idea or a perspective that I want to hear, and if you have one, please feel free to leave it below!) But this is where the annoying part started. He responded –
Now. Despite having a blog about my bad dates, I am a fiercely private person. All of my social media accounts are private and show as little detail as humanly possible to anyone I’m not friends with. I choose to write under a pseudonym on other blogs, and redact my own name and certain details of myself, my life and my dates in order to remain anonymous – this is why I will not share screenshots of these interactions, and why sometimes I will brush over certain aspects of my life or of these dates.
Furthermore, I never link my social media accounts to dating profiles, I don’t give away my Insta handle or my full name to people I’ve only just started talking to and I keep my background details as vague as possible at the start to protect myself, so someone asking me outright if we can switch to a platform I keep locked down isn’t going to fly. In other stories, if I mention “quickly switching” to another medium, I am using my own standard for the word “quickly.” This usually takes a week of actual conversation, and even then I don’t always feel comfortable. So this? This certainly didn’t cut it for me.
“Sorry I don’t give it out to people I don’t know, I’m just a bit of a private person.”
I understand that on a dating app, you need to be willing to let go of your fierce privacy at some point in order to meet and potentially date people, but I will always at least keep my personal life (where I work, where I hang out, what area I’m from, who my friends are) held close to me until I know I am comfortable enough sharing it.
“Oh haha how was your day?”
This started the annoying conversation. Once the (incredibly brief) conversation about OJ Simpson was over, he would ask me vague and uninteresting questions about my day and how I was, and when I responded he would then send back the same two responses.
The first being “haha”
The second, sent immediately after, being “Instagram?”
As if this somehow help us get to know one another, as if this could somehow speed up the process for him so that he could get a look inside my life.
I gave up after the fourth time I tried to ask him about anything else (his prompts, his photos, his travel stories, his dogs) and continually got the same responses. I left one of his messages unopened and went about my week as usual, but every now and then saw a message from him asking how my day was and then asking “Instagram?”
What part of being fiercely private did he not understand? I eventually gave up on the prospect of discussing anything further than my Instagram handle with him and unmatched him. But every now and then he pops up when I’m swiping through, and he has since changed one of his prompts to “One thing I want to know about you…”
And the Answer?